Your next MOOD
Howdy hoes
Its your friendly neighborhood fit god DARREN and I have just come back from a vacation to Sante Fe and am never coming back. Due to contractual arrangements with my cat’s groomer however I must be present on the internet at least twice a year so we might as well make the best of it
I see a lot of our followers (hereby referred to as the AFrids ((rhymes with Astrid)) ) have been really excited about this new country hearthrob Mark Wystrach. Curious, I thought. This was last Friday when our Chief of Communications Zach Beezy relayed this information to me as I was en route to my third crystal healing session of the week. As I mediated and shakraknisha-ed this information about my newly expanded mind it came to me that, No you are all wrong. Mark is not who you think he is. There is someone better. More holy and more worthy of your affection.
Sometimes referred to as the Sultan of the Hip Swings, the Cowpoke who always been broke, Balding Beauty of the Badlands, the Outlaw of Bakersfield, the True Honky Tonk Man, The name given to him by his parents, is Dwight Yoakam.
He began to grace our presence in the late 80’s and brought many things to the forefront of fashion never seen before or since. See below for that good good shit. Take notes.
Key points
-Very slim jeans, ripped to shreds from being so tight. Flared ever so slightly to fit around your cowboy boots. Five inches too long. Sex Appeal
-Concha belt. Not actually holding said skin tight jeans on, No it is just casually slung around the hips. Sex appeal
-Cowboy hat always slung so low you cant even see the eyes. Mysterious. Haunting. Sex Appeal (its rumored Dwight actually did this because of how badly he was balding even in his early twenties)
-Western embroidered and fringed jackets in the style of Nudie Rodeo Tailors. Yes, Post Malone and Diplo actually took inspiration from Dwight on this. No one has looked better in fringe since, and may never will
-That sweet southern twang
WHERE TO BUY
-The Jeans. I have no idea where Dwights jeans were from, probably fell from heaven above. Do you remember how much Bootcut jeans were vilified a few years ago? We were heathens. No one is making actual flared or bootcut jeans anymore. NO ONE. The best thing to do is to head to a good vintage shop and ask for Levis 517 or 646 jeans. Good luck. Youll probably get a blank look and a frostee thrown at your face. Next you could head to the following links to see a few options. Stick to true Dwight style and buy the smallest you can fit into and an inseam four inches too long, or just wear em slim with boots
https://www.levi.com/US/en_US/apparel/clothing/bottoms/draft-taper-mens-jeans/p/360760019
https://www.levi.com/US/en_US/clothing/men/jeans/527-slim-boot-cut-mens-jeans/p/055270490
-Concha belt: Dont try this at home
-Cowboy hat: Chances are you are reading this from Texas and know the places to buy a hat. Buy it in the silverbelly color like Dwight
-Fringed Jacket: This one is actually a bit more accessible than you think
-Embroidered western jacket: Try your luck vintage, or new with Fort Lonesome